He’s back! Murphy, a Chihuahua terrier mix, lives with his humans, basset hound sister, and a friendly cat in Seattle. From time to time he writes columns about issues that people and dogs share. He finds typing difficult with paws so he dictates his writing to one of his people, Joe Myers.
As part of a species that studies human behavior very closely I thought I could be of some help in answering small social problems that you may be having. So I’ve been taking questions from my readers. Here are answers to some questions that recently landed in my mailbox.
I just started a new job and have been invited to dinner at my boss’s house. Any suggestions on how to make this go well? Employee
The rules of etiquette go across species. Good manners dictate that you show your hosts how much you appreciate the food. This is best done by gobbling it as fast as you can. The faster you eat the more you show your appreciation! My basset hound sister, the Emily Post of dogs, can seemingly inhale her food without even chewing! How polite is that! If the meal was particularly excellent a loud belch adds a nice thank you.
With the COVID lockdown I’ve found that I have little to do but take walks. Do you have any suggestions for something less boring? Stir Crazy
Dear Stir Crazy,
Walks? Boring? Oh great canine in the sky! The odors! Grass under your paws! Squirrels! The air! Other dogs! Humans! Good heavens, you’ve been handed life’s greatest gift! Get a dog and learn to appreciate the bounty!
I really, really want a pony. How do I get my parents to give one to me? Sad Kid.
Dear Sad Kid,
Come on, you’ve got this! First, climb in their laps and look at them with your biggest, saddest eyes. If that doesn’t work, whine. If THAT doesn’t work, cry piteously and stare at them dejectedly. Trust me, not many humans can withstand an assault of this kind.
My big sister hogs the bathroom and won’t get out when I need it. What do I do? Urgent
Pee on the floor. She’ll learn in a hurry.
I will be staying with my new in-laws for a few weeks at their home. Can you suggest some tips to be sure I make a good impression? Nervous
Sure. Just do a little extra something. For instance, when my humans sweep the floors, I like to sit in the dirt pile so they don’t forget where it is. It’s these small but helpful things that people appreciate.
I have a hot date. Any tips on how to dress? Excited
As a dog, I have never fully understood human’s obsession with extra fur and paws. So try something different. When your date comes to the door open it dressed just as nature made you. I’m sure you’ll get a great reaction. Oh, and be sure to roll in something stinky.
OK, that’s all for now! I hope I have been helpful. Appreciate your pack and remember, wags work better than growls!